


The First Time

by nightfalltwen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 18:13:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10724559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightfalltwen/pseuds/nightfalltwen
Summary: Maybe she was always his kindred spirit.





	The First Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rozarka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rozarka/gifts).



> Written for **Rozarka** for the 2009 **hp_rarities** exchange. This story is DH compliant, excluding the epilogue and interview canon. I'm not sure why I made Dean and Seamus be such dicks, but that's what I did. It's Zach's POV, so probably just was his view of them. lol

***

The first time Zacharias comes across Lavender she's in hospital. He's sitting in the Accident and Emergency of St. Thomas' with a bloodied pad of gauze pressed to the back of his head. Instead of going to St. Mungo's, he sticks to the Muggle hospitals with their needles and stitches and very real pain. It's getting to the point these days where he can't even walk down the street without being harassed. Last time it had only been words painted on the front door of his mum's house. This time it was a rock to the back of his head. Things are escalating to the more violent.

They call him a coward and a traitor.

The wait is supposed to be long. He's not considered a priority case and more than likely he'll end up clotting and scabbing up enough that he won't even need stitches. However, it's his tax revenue that goes toward the wages of these so-called doctors. So he sticks around in the building, though instead of remaining perched on a chair between a woman with a smoker's cough and a man with a twisted foot, Zacharias chooses to wander upstairs to the other wings of the hospital.

Lavender Brown is in room 934, which makes him think of Hogwarts and the train and a whole other life that he's been trying to forget for the last few of years. It's been about an hour now and he's already tossed the gauze into a bin, uncaring that his scalp itches and might actually need a stitch or two. He pauses at her door only because he recognises her at first but is actually quite baffled to see her there. She's staring at the window. To him that seems rather silly because the blinds are closed and even if they were open, all she'd be looking at was the windows of the wing across from this one.

There are bandages on her wrists and suddenly Zacharias realises what area of the hospital he's stumbled into so he tries to back away, but bumps into a man pushing a food trolley. Covered dishes shift on their trays but don't fall off. A huge relief because Zacharias doesn't like the look of hospital food even when he's not the one who has to eat it.

"You might as well come in," she says without turning her head.

He does.

"I didn't know you were here," he replies, touching the back of his head with his hand. His fingertips come back red and he feels uncomfortable sitting there bleeding beside her.

"Nobody ever does." She looks at him with sad eyes. "My mum doesn't like taking me to St. Mungo's because she doesn't want them to know what I do. Or why I do it."

His eyes unintentionally flick to her neck and shoulder. She's managed to carefully arrange her long blond hair over the scars. Scars that have been superficially healed by magic, but will never really go away. Everybody knows about what happened to Lavender Brown that May night. All the papers wrote about it along with the lists and articles about the dead. Bitten by Fenrir Greyback. Yet not bitten in the way that most people get bitten by werewolves. She wouldn't ever turn. A blessing if you could call it that.

The silence is bigger than anything they could ever say to each other. But that kind of silence is more overwhelming than either of them are expecting.

"I really shouldn't be here," he says.

"Yeah, you're bleeding all over my cardigan." There's a slightly amused look on her face.

"What? I am?" He turns and notices there's specks of blood on the flimsy pink thing draped over the back of his chair. "Shite."

"Don't worry about it. I'm not. If I was, I would have said something while you were out in the corridor."

"Don't tell me. Super smell?" Zacharias asks. Except then he wishes he hadn't because she's glaring at him in a way that makes him feel small and rather horrible.

"Actually, you have it all over your collar. You should go downstairs and have someone look at that. You really do need stitches."

"Oh."

Lavender presses a button at the side of her bed and somewhere down the corridor there's a sound. A few moments later a woman in sensible white shoes and a flowered shirt comes into the room. She takes one look at Zacharias with his bloody collar and calls for an orderly, scolding him from being on a floor he shouldn't be on and scolding him even more for not letting the doctors downstairs in the A&E take care of this wound. Doesn't he realise what a hazard bleeding all over the hospital can be? Zacharias is put into a chair, instructed to _stay put_ and wheeled from the room. 

He comes back later, stitched, bandaged and instructed not to scratch. He asks for Lavender, but she's been moved. And they won't tell him what room number.

***

The first time Zacharias sees her working, it's at a Starbucks of all places. On Victoria street near St. James Park. She pulls double shot mocha lattes for pretentious tourists and people who have much more fun saying the name than actually drinking the coffee. She'll find out later that he'd asked her mum where to find her. That he led Mrs Brown to believe that he was a very old friend and that he was hoping to get back into contact with her daughter. He turned on a little bit of charm. The older woman didn't know his background. Didn't know that he and Lavender had barely interacted in school outside of Dumbledore's Army in fifth year. She was just glad that someone was taking an interest in Lavender and happily gave him her daughter's work address.

The shop is busy, which makes it easier for Zacharias to watch her at first. She looks inconspicuous in her little green apron. No different than the rest of the baristas, except she wears long sleeves and high necklines. Her smiles are just as empty.

Zacharias steps up to the counter and she looks startled. And a bit cross.

"Grande coffee, black?" He watches her stiffly pour him a drink. "Do you have a break coming up soon?" he asks when she places the white cup on the counter, fitting a sleeve over it.

"Not for another two hours." She holds out her hand for payment and he gives her a fiver.

And a lopsided smile. "I can wait."

***

They sit on a bench just outside of Westminster Abbey She sips tea from a thermos because she can't stand the stuff that they serve at her work. Zacharias still nurses the large coffee he bought earlier. Repeated warming charms has made it utterly vile and he's not actually a fan of coffee to begin with, but he keeps sipping at the bitter liquid as if to convince himself that eventually he'll develop a taste for it. There are pigeons pacing a few feet from where they sit bobbing their heads in hopes of a snack or seven. Bobbies in round hats, twirling their batons keep people from sprinkling crumbs. All in the hopes of reducing the population of the birds.

A few children chase them into flight in front of the Abbey.

"So how do you do it?" she asks, dumping out the dregs of her cup and screwing it back onto the top of the thermos.

"Hmm?"

"Stay in the Muggle world, when everything around you seems to pull you back into the direction of _them_."

Zacharias turns his cup around in his hand and tries to forget that there's a wand tucked into the inside pocket of his coat. He hasn't given up on the Wizarding world. He can't. He was raised a wizard since birth and there are too many things in the Muggle world that make him uneasy. Cars. The telly. Aeroplanes. He looks over at her.

"I stock shelves at Flourish and Blotts at night," he says after a moment. "My mum and dad were magical. So were my grandparents. I don't know anything else."

A half smile appears on her face, confusing him. "You know enough to find me at a Starbucks in the middle of London. Though I would have recommended something better than black coffee."

He can't help but laugh and dumps the liquid, which seems to have what looks like a slick of oil floating on the surface, into the potted shrub next to their bench. "Yeah, that was disgusting! How can you stand serving that to people?"

"Don't ask me. Muggles are a strange lot." A breeze picks up and Lavender turns up the collar of her grey pea coat. Her hair isn't down around her shoulders as it had been at the hospital. Instead it's all pulled back into a severe knot which somehow seems to suit her just as much.

Zacharias wants to ask her why she's wearing black and grey when she could have all the colours in the world. He remembers the ribbons in her hair back in school. The soft pastels that she wore on Hogsmeade days. Even the red and gold of her uniform. But he realises now that against the grey London sky, she almost disappears into the background. She doesn't want to be noticed or stand out anymore. She's a lost sort of Gryffindor. Wanting to shyly hide behind the others so that no one will know. That no one will see.

"You know what I hate?" she asks without looking at him.

"Besides your Muggle customers, men who bleed over your pink cardigans or wizards in general?" He takes a shot with his empty cup but it bounces off the rim of the bin and falls on the ground. Standing, he scoops up the rubbish and tosses it out.

"Pity." She says finally. "I hate being pitied." Despite her rather closed posture, she opens up to him. "People were always pitying me. Poor, poor Lavender. What's she going to do now? It's like they thought my life was over."

Zacharias suddenly wishes he still had his coffee because now he has nothing to look at except his empty hands. He is utterly confused by this revelation because of how he first found her, tucked into a psych ward bed with bandages on her wrists looking like she'd decided that her life was over. And to make matters worse Zacharias is a nosy sort of fellow. He knows this. It's how he got invited to the secret meeting at the Hog's Head in fifth year. Sidling up to Hannah just as she was speaking to Ernie Macmillan. Overhearing just enough to get him an invitation because it didn't actually hurt to know what was going on with his classmates. Especially ones that he actually cared about, like his fellow Hufflepuffs.

"Do you feel that your life is over?" he asks and glances out of the corner of his eye at her.

"Depends what life you mean." Her answer is slow as she chooses her words with a lot of careful consideration. "I'm lauded as a graceful survivor of the war in the wizarding world. No mention of anything else I've done. This," She points to the high neck of her shirt. "is all I'm known for. And I'm known for practically nothing in the Muggle world. So I don't really get to have a real life and be the real me in either world."

Zacharias leans back a bit. "I can't hold down a job in any department of the Ministry for longer than three months before the whispers start about me and why I left. So I stock shelves at Flourish at night because then I don't have to deal with people looking at me with contempt." He tilts his head. "At least you get to interact with human beings every day."

There's a snort of laughter that is anything but graceful, yet seems to suit her. "I wouldn't exactly call French tourists, who get mad at me for not speaking a second language, proper human beings." She reaches over and pats his knee. The touch is both friendly and somewhat coy. At least Zacharias likes to think so. She looks at him. "Why did you leave?"

Lavender is the first person who has ever actually asked him this question without tagging on an assumption. Why did you leave? Was it because you were a coward? Was it because you hate Harry Potter and didn't want him to succeed? Were you secretly on the other side? It got to the point where Zacharias decided he would not give any answers because what he had to say was not something that anyone wanted to hear. They wanted someone to be angry with. Him leaving before the battle, that was just an excuse. How did that saying go? If you weren't with 'em you were against 'em.

Never mind that some people just didn't want to be part of anything.

"My mother died the summer between first and second year. So it was just me and Dad. No sisters. No brothers. I was all he had." Sometimes his argument sounds so weak, even to him. "Seventh year came around and he made me swear that no matter what happened, I would come home. That I wouldn't die for a cause he didn't believe in." Zacharias runs a hand through his hair and then rubs the back of his neck. "Got one of his friends, this witch from Spain, to seal it all up in an unbreakable vow. Ironic, eh? He wanted me to avoid the _possibility_ of death by hanging _actual_ death over my head." He sighs. "Dad wasn't quite right in the head after Mum passed."

He looks down and sees that somewhere amidst all that, Lavender had found his hand and curled her fingers over it.

***

The first time Zacharias takes Lavender on a date, they go to a posh Italian place in Notting Hill. There's no checkered tablecloths or stubby candles mashed into old Chianti bottles or paper napkins. Instead there are little oil lamps that sit low on the table and light her face from a rather intriguing angle. Zacharias worries that he exchanged too much Galleons into Muggle currency. The wad of bills sits uncomfortably in his back pocket as he shifts on his chair and peruses the wine list trying not to think about how he suddenly feels quite attracted to the smooth line of her jaw.

They sip dark red wine from very large glasses and talk. The topics span the length and breadth of the conversational world. There is so much that Zacharias doesn't know about what's going on beyond his little bubble; he hardly pays attention to the things that Muggles are up to. Lavender, however, has kept herself current and she speaks of wars and famine and disease.

They both agree that Muggles live in a fucked up place just the same as wizards did and do.

He wants to ask her about the Carpaccio appetizer she orders. He wants to ask her about what happened. He wants to ask if she enjoyed rare to raw meat before it all went down. He wants to know about how she feels, about what it does to her, about how she deals with it on a day to day basis. He really just wants to know. But he doesn't ask. He keeps those thoughts to himself and uses a knife and fork on his bruschetta.

"I don't normally kiss on the first date," she says when they're finally standing at the door to her building. Her nose is tinged pink, either from the cold or the wine.

"I wasn't expecting you t—" 

She cuts him off with her mouth, kissing him hard and flinging her arms about his shoulders. He doesn't push her away; why would he? Funnily enough it's his first kiss. Girls in Hufflepuff always used to think that he was good enough for a chum, but never potential boyfriend material. And afterward? After the war? Well, he ended up so close to the bottom of most people's lists that he didn't even try to seek out the opposite sex. It was easier to just stay out of it all together than have requests for dates thrown back in his face.

Zacharias is suddenly quite glad that his first kiss is with Lavender Brown. This is a woman who _knows_ how to kiss. 

Her lips move against his and sometimes she smiles and when she opens her mouth it's like the beginning of the end for him. The tip of her tongue runs over his teeth and there is a brief moment where Zacharias hopes to God that there isn't any parsley stuck up there. But she doesn't pull away in disgust and instead the kiss goes deeper. He almost struggles to keep up. She tastes like a mixture of tiramisu and dessert wine. And he is shocked that he wants to _devour_ her, bruise her lips, drink her in, bite, nip, tease and do everything that is involved with snogging the hell out of a very attractive woman.

When they part, both of them are breathing hard.

***

The first time they make love she doesn't take her blouse off. Zacharias, in an odd sort of way, understands. He's never seen her scars and he's never asked to see them. While he would give anything to have her completely unencumbered by the bunched up roll of fabric caught beneath her armpits, he's just glad that she had the foresight to wear a strapless bra that he can easily remove without ripping her clothing.

To make her feel like she's not being ridiculous, or at least that's what he claims afterward, Zacharias leaves his socks on his feet. The truth of the matter is that he forgets that he's wearing them because she completely distracts his thought processes by sliding her hands to places she's never seen before and pressing her lips against skin that hasn't ever known her touch. He feels completely in awe of her and is very aware of how inexperienced he is. She knows more than he does and her soft whispers and gentle nudges tell him just exactly what she likes and wants.

What surprises him the most is that she wants _him_ in a way that no one else has ever wanted him before.

Her lips travel about his body and he can't help but gasp at how warm, wet and wonderful it all is. She surrounds him in different ways and they move together as though they have always moved together. For someone who had never done such a thing before, Zacharias is quick to pick it up. He commits all the little places that make her whimper to memory. And he has an extensive memory. Most stubborn people do. And Zacharias is just stubborn and hardworking enough to keep at it until he finds perfection.

There's fireworks for him.

When it's over he's on the brink of sleep, his arms wrapped around her and his face pressed against the bunched of fabric of her blouse. "You're beautiful," he says.

The smile he gets in return is one of those tolerating smiles. Like he's a child who has accidentally spilled cleaning potion all over the rug. There there. It's alright. You didn't know any better. Zacharias doesn't mention it again that night. He wants her to know that she is the most beautiful person in the world to him, but he doesn't think that she'd ever believe him.

He suspects he's in it very deep.

***

The first time they fight it's at her brother's wedding. Lavender was meant to be a bridesmaid, but backed out the moment she saw the dresses. Caroline wouldn't bend and allow Lavender to wear something more conservative. Something with sleeves or a high neck. Everyone had to look uniform. So the three girls that are standing up with the new wife to Lavender's only brother are a line of sleek shoulders and swan-like necks.

Zacharias shifts uncomfortably in the suit she had tailored for him. He would rather have worn his dress robes; they don't get much use these days, what with not being invited to any fancy wizarding functions. However, these are Muggles and Muggles wear suits to weddings.

Beside him Lavender is wiping away tears with a ratty tissue. Her gaze isn't on the bride and groom, but focused on the sleek, strapless dresses that the attendants are wearing. Zacharias knows she wants to be up there and he finds her hand, giving it a squeeze. He's spent months trying to understand her point of view, but it's gotten to the point where he figures that if she wants something, she should go for it.

"Just get up and go stand with them," he whispers.

"I can't," she hisses back. "Caroline made it quite clear."

"Bugger Caroline. You love your brother; go stand on his side."

"Zacharias, that's not how these things work."

"It just seems stupid to just sit here crying when you could participate," he remarks quietly. She jerks her hand away from his and quite suddenly he feels her anger rolling off her shoulders in waves.

"We will talk about this _later_ ," she says between clenched teeth.

And they do.

It's after the bouquet toss, which Lavender didn't participate in either, that she pulls him into the ladies loo. Caroline's sister is helping the flower girl pull up her tights and Lavender gives the two of them such a dark look that they scamper out, the back of the little girl's dress tucked into the waistband of her ruffled knickers. Lavender turns the lock.

Then wheels about on him.

"What on Earth is your problem?" she says angrily.

"My problem?" Zacharias asks incredulously. He's had a few glasses of champagne and is feeling a little Gryffindor-bold. "You're the one moping about! You said you hate other people's pity and yet that's all you seem to be filled with. Self-pity. Your life did not end. You're living, breathing and existing. And people _do not_ hate you!"

"You don't know what it's like!"

"So you have a few scars." He doesn't care that their raised voices are probably being heard beyond the closed door and he can tell that Lavender is furious with him, but Zacharias is on a roll. He's always had it in him to mouth off and now just seems like a prime opportunity. Mostly because he doesn't understand. She never opens up enough for him to make the attempt. "You've been upset all night because you couldn't take part and it's your own fault because you're too stubborn to see that you're still a beautiful woman!" He sucked in a breath. "No damn scar is going to change that."

It's about then that he notices her movements. Pushing thick buttons through their holes at the shoulder of her pink Chinese dress -- it's the first thing he's seen her in that wasn't grey, black or beige. The buttons don't give as easily as she wants and she ends up pulling hard on the fabric until it tears at the seam, exposing her neck and shoulder.

She shows him her reminder, her token of May.

"HOW ON EARTH IS THIS BEAUTIFUL TO _ANYONE_?!" she shouts at him.

It isn't what Zacharias always imagined. He'd pictured a bite, a mouth shape, maybe some scratches. But these? Now he knows. He knows that Greyback tried to _devour_ her. Angry, pink gashes mark her from neck to shoulder. It's almost as if they're only _just_ healed. Four parallel lines (oh God, his _fingers_ ) travel down her arm. The bastard tried to rip her apart. Zacharias is horrified. Not at the sight of her scars, but at the images of her in such pain. He's horrified that there are people out there who do this, if Greyback could be considered a person. Most of all Zacharias is horrified at himself for leaving the castle those years ago.

"Oh Lavender..." he says and moves to take her into his arms.

"No," she snaps and pushes him away. "You were never supposed to see. You were never... And now whenever you look at me, all you'll see are these!"

"Lavender I --"

"Just _go_ , Zacharias," she says, now clasping together the torn dress.

He doesn't say anything else. She doesn't want his comfort. He knows when he's no longer wanted. So he pulls out the wand that she asked him not to bring, ignoring the flare of her nostrils. He vanishes from the loo with loud pop, leaving her to explain his sudden disappearance on her own. Damn Gryffindors.

***

The first time they make up, Zacharias is the one to take the first step. Although she tells him to leave the coffee shop, he doesn't. He's too Hufflepuff and too damn stubborn to give her up. He suspects this is how it will always be, they'll always butt heads in different ways and she's so full of pride that it will frustrate him forever. But, again, he's too stubborn and instead of leaving when she demands, he climbs onto a table and holds up an enormous sign that he brought in with him.

_Things about Lavender that I STILL think of FIRST_

_1) Her eyes_  
2) The way she can look fantastic in a wrinkled green apron  
3) Her lovely pair of bristols (face it, they're gorgeous)  
4) For some reason she liked me (and maybe still does)  
5) She never hit me with a brick  
6) Her laughter isn't a twitter but a full out guffaw  
7) Her smile  
8) The way she makes me realise how completely in love with her I am 

The list goes on and he guesses that Lavender can't really see much of it anymore. Partly because his printing gets squished the further on he goes. Mostly because she's crying. Zacharias climbs down off the table just as she comes around from behind the counter to throw her arms around him and pepper his face with kisses. The patrons and staff start to clap and she whispers into his ear that they should talk. Then says it louder so that others can hear before taking his hand and leading him into the back room.

They don't talk.

And she loses her job for inappropriate behaviour while on shift.

But there are no regrets.

***

The first time he asks her to marry him, Lavender says no. Which is a surprise because they've been together for a year now and he's certain that she's the one he wants to stay with for the rest of his life. It isn't a romantic proposal. Maybe that was his problem. They're lying in bed, him doing a _Quibbler_ crossword and her reading some trashy wizard romance called _Cecily's Final Duel_.

He sets aside the paper and looks at her. "Marry me."

Lavender doesn't say anything for a long time and then puts her book on her lap, butterflied with the spine broken. Zacharias is glad there aren't any Ravenclaws around to see it. He knows her answer is going to be no before she even says it. He's not sure why, but, although he is surprised, he isn't upset. He knows she may very well come around.

And he lets it go.

***

The first time Lavender asks him to marry her, it's three weeks later and Zacharias says yes. He's been working day shifts lately. The turnover of staff at the store has been too frequent and Zacharias wants to spend more time with her anyhow so when the opportunity for working outside of his nighttime comfort zone comes up, he decides to take the plunge.

It isn't so bad at first.

Most people don't recognise him, most are mothers too busy sorting through their children's textbook lists to really pay attention to who he may or may not be. And he's pleasant. Acid comments are left at the door because these are the people who pay his wages. Or so that's what the boss says. Zacharias grits his teeth sometimes, but manages through the day.

Most times.

The whispers start, not because of him, but because of others. Gryffindor "heroes" come into the shop and there are a few people that clap. Zacharias rolls his eyes and hands the paper-wrapped parcels to a woman who is blushing and arranging her hair just a little bit better. At first he can't recall their names; he knows they're former classmates of Lavender's but she doesn't talk about her old friends so he can't be bothered to remember who they are.

The black one. And the Irish one he's been buggering for years.

At least that was the rumour.

"Well look here," the Irish one says, leaning on the counter, "Smith finally decided to crawl out of the woodwork and hope that people wouldn't remember what he did."

He makes some other disparaging comments and the murmuring in the shop gets louder. No one seems to think that there is anything wrong with what is being said. Why should they? The Gryffindors are golden. They get away with everything. Zacharias realises that it's just like the Ministry. The murmurs will change, customers will whisper, everything will get uncomfortable and Zacharias will have to move onto another job. He hates this. He hates having this whole thing follow him like a dog on a trail. It isn't fair. He wants to shout that he didn't have a choice, but it is simply none of their business.

She saves him.

"Seamus Patrick Finnigan! You should be ashamed!"

"Lavender?" Seamus seems almost as shocked to see her as everyone else and Zacharias truly _sees_ just how much she really did cut herself off from the wizarding world. After a moment the Irishman gathers himself. "Oi, why should I? It's just Smith. It's people like him who're the reason you..." He flapped his hand at Lavender. "Why Colin... And Fred... He has no loyalty to anyone... I mean.. some Hufflepuff, right? Why shouldn't he be treated anything less than a traitor?"

"He hasn't done anything to you and you don't know his reasons. Maybe if you took the time to actually open up your thick head, you might be able to forgive and move on from this churlish behaviour instead of being such a twunt who can't let go of opinions you formed when you were a boy." Lavender folded her arms over her chest. "So I think perhaps you should go and leave my fiancé alone."

Seamus gapes at her. So does Zacharias actually. Of all the things she could have said, that was simply not even close to being on his list of possibilities.

He's the first to find his voice. "Lavender?"

She looks at him, her expression softening. "I thought maybe I was silly for saying no before..." Lavender takes his hand and despite the fact that it's not him down on bended knee, everything kind of feels right and okay. He doesn't even notice the others in the shop anymore. Lavender's thumb brushes over his. "Would you marry me?"

The first time Zacharias fell in love, he was sitting in a room labelled just like the platform at King's Cross. She was on the bed with bandages on her wrists and he was bleeding all over her cardigan. He only realises now that it was all the way back then. That he's loved her for what feels like forever and that he's keen on keeping her in his life for the rest of it.

He tightens his hand around hers.

And gives her his answer.


End file.
